Over a week ago I went to The One Way Street Party in Surfers Paradise…even though it was rained out and in an undercover car park.

Now it’s not like I’ve never been in a car park before. And it’s not like I hadn’t been around haybales either.

Which reminds me of the after formal bonfire party I went to and the full bottle of Southern Comfort I found there, right under a haybale.

Sorry, I can’t actually remember the rest of that story.

Anyway…

It was the three large chalkboards with ‘Before I die I want to:’ painted upon them, that stuck with me long after I had left.

And the hundreds of responses scribbled on in chalk.

Reading through, I had to laugh at some of the comments, like ‘I want to punch a sloth in the face’…which was both sad and funny…but I guess mostly sad because Sloths are awesome. Actually now I want to punch whoever wrote that in the face.

But I’m not really the violent type…

Plus cruelty to animals is wrong…very wrong. (I’m not fucking kidding!)

And then there was the (much loved) Before I die I want to: ‘Eradicate Religion’

Now that I WOULD like to see.

Nevertheless it got me thinking about the things I’d like to do before I…move on.

***

And then yesterday Chrissy Amphlett died.

And it was such a sad loss to see a woman who was a trailblazer…who ‘did it her way’…who marked her territory in the world of Rock n Roll…lose her life to cancer.

But it’s hard not to be inspired by someone who lead a passionate life full of creativity…

…and it made me think of the things I REALLY wanted to do before I die.

***

So I pulled out a new sketchbook and I began to create my bucket list. (which doesn’t really resemble a list at all).

And at first it seemed pretty easy. I know what I want, but as I go on, they get a little wilder and I let my imagination run with it.

I mean why the fuck not??

So what if they seem impossible?

So what if the chances of these things happening are zero – nothing…or slim to none…or whatever?

After all, it does say, Before I die I want to…and I want to.

Hey who knows what could happen??? Just realising what it is I want…what I’d like to achieve or do…it makes the future a little brighter..a little more exciting. I mean can you -

JUST.FUCKING.IMAGINE.

If you were to cross off all those things from your bucket list?

Talk about having no regrets.

***

So go ahead.

What do YOU want to do before you die?

Really?

Don’t be confined to what you think is possible. Just imagine if anything was possible. Just imagine if all your wildest dreams could come true…did come true.

I mean, stranger things have happened right?

And who knows how much time you’ve got.

***

BE DEFIANT AND ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

You know…move on.

Except I went too far. I let all those parts of myself just fall away. As if they were nothing.

Why?

I’m not even sure I can answer that.

All I know is that somewhere along the way I forgot about those things I once felt so passionately about. Like a forgotten lover. Like somebody that you use to know, something you never thought you’d ever leave behind.

But I suppose time changes things. Shit happens.

And things fall by the wayside…

***

I use to spend hours, days even, just writing lyrics to songs that may never be heard, painting surreal images inspired by dreams and writing dark, twisted and sometimes humorous stories that were somehow an extension of myself and my life.

I would immerse myself in this, and I felt content, even when sorrow was my only friend.

Now it’s not like I ever stopped being creative, but my obsession with it, the ‘fill up my days being consumed by it’…well, they were over.

I changed. As did my work.

And I’m not sure for the better.

“Finding your true PASSION can change everything.

For a few years now I have been working on ways to switch off those voices in my head (no not the ones that say to burn things…although…nah…nevermind, no.) but those that have said, ‘you’re a fake’, ‘you’re not good enough’, ‘no one will like that’ ‘you’re a piece of shit’…and just focusing on creating work without caring what others thought.

I thought this was why I wasn’t ‘in love’ with what I was creating. Or why I was ‘holding back.’

But it was not the full story. I had forgotten one thing. Probably the most important thing.

What it is I truly LOVE.  The things that make me really happy, with my art, with my writing, with music.

I had forgotten all about the things that ‘DID IT FOR ME.’  Those things that I once immersed myself in day in, and day out.

And who I truly was.

***

“I was left to my own devices and devoted every waking hour to playing music. It became my religion.”  Dave Grohl.

***

Maybe it was the Outside World that I slowly let take over.

I changed what I did, the way I did things. I listened to the wrong people…I lost focus…I did what I was suppose to do.

Well, sort of.

But that’s NOT who I am.

In some form or another I have always been DEFIANT. (Just ask my parents and teachers). I have always just wanted to do it my way.  I was only ever going to be able to ‘fake it’ for so long.

And now it is time to find my way back.

To rediscover what I loved in the first place.

And I have to admit I can’t wait to go back there. Just like visiting an old friend (who stocks Tequila).

*(Insert ‘Reunited’ as covered by Faith No More.)*

It’s going to be GRAND!

***

Now…do I have those moments of doubt? Fucking oath.

Do I think people will like and accept what I do…maybe, maybe not. And most of the time I don’t really care.

But at the end of the day I just want to do what I want to fucking do.

So I will. Because it makes ME happy.

Because it makes me feel ALIVE.

And really, isn’t that what LIFE is for?

***

Sometimes remembering where you came from can help you to uncover that true passion, or even where it began. Maybe it’s time you ‘made an appointment with the past,’ and remember a time where you were so immersed in something that nothing else existed, even for that short time.

If you use to draw little cartoons or tattoos for your mates in High School…why not start there? If you use to write little love poems…why not try another? Who was your favourite band growing up? What was it that made you feel ALIVE?

What would you give to feel that again?

***

BE DEFIANT AND ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

This one girl, the proverbial ‘mean girl’, somehow as popular as she was nasty, made it her mission to have EVERYONE in my class hate me.

Apart from the boy who ‘had’ to sit next to me in class (no one much liked him either) it worked.

I had NO friends.

I don’t even know what I did to make her despise me so much,  maybe it was my overwhelming wit and charm (kidding.). All I remember is that after the first few months I hated myself too.

——–

Now I have to admit I am pretty shithouse at maths, it’s just not my thing. And luckily for me the question to the Maths Riddle we were trying to solve eluded me this one day. As it did the rest of the class.

And since no one had the answer in the last few minutes before the Friday 3pm bell, our teacher proposed that we all dress up as characters from Inspector Gadget (as was the style at the time) on the Monday, and try to solve the riddle, in what would, from this day on, be known as Maths Day Monday. (Actually that part isn’t true, but who cares, whatever.)

Had I believed that I was in Hell before this, the very thought of a WHOLE DAY of maths felt like a scene from Hellraiser, and no amount of ‘dress ups’ could ease the pain.

And so, despite my prayers and pleas to, let’s face it, anyone who would listen, Monday still came.

__________

Walking into school that day was rough, even though I could pretend to be something other than who I was. But luckily the dream I had the night before where I walked into the school in costume and no one else did, thus the joke being on me, was just a dream and not a premonition. The whole class had gone to some effort.

Most of the girls came dressed as Penny, pigtails and all, and the boys, of course, became Inspector Gadget.

(To my disappointment, no one came as Dr Claw.)

Now as if I wasn’t enough of an outsider, I was also the only one who came dressed as Inspector Gadget’s dog, Brain.

I don’t know if it was the magic of the red leotard, the cardboard dogs ears taped in my hair or the hand sewn tail that kept falling off, but it was on this day, at this damn school I despised so fucking much, that I made my first friend.

And it happened to be the girl who hated me in the first place.

Go figure.

____________

So you may not be able to make friends with salad, but it would seem that if you wear lycra and tape some random objects to yourself, you can!

So the point of the story?

Well, there is no fucking point. People are fucked.

But maybe dressing up like animals can help.

Disclaimer: Actually, you should always just be yourself. Except maybe when you’re in costume, then you can be whoever the fuck YOU want. Yeah, just be whoever you want, whenever, for whatever reason.

***

BE DEFIANT AND ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

This is a post to demonstrate what is meant by the ‘Theatre of Creativity’…a first instalment.

So for all intents and purposes…or just for this blog to make some sort of fucking sense…let’s just say YOU..in some way (even as a curious bystander) ..are involved in Derby.

Read on…

***

Choosing Your Derby Name.

You may or may not have come to realise that your involvement in the World of Derby – this awesome alternative community and extreme sport culture -  has also exposed you to one of the greatest (in my humble…and almost always right opinion), aspects of Derby.

The Creative Element!

Or,

‘The Theatre of Creativity.’

I mean seriously, in what other sport do you get to wear costumes AND face paint whilst playing and not just on the sidelines? Your tattoos are celebrated just as much as your battle wounds (aka bruises and rink rash). You have the opportunity to create flyers, come up with Bout and Team names, and host any number of after bout, after training and after just about whatever the hell you want…after parties! Theme optional.

But let’s not forget one of the most frustrating and yet exciting parts of belonging to the Derby Community.

Choosing your Derby name…wahoo!

You only need to scan though the register at Two Evils to realise just how big a task this may become.

Truly, Two Evils is a real time suck. You can spend hours in somewhat manic bouts of ‘not so internal’ giggling at the subtle and not so subtle innuendo, followed by involuntarily clapping your hands like a seal at the clever wordplay, and finally swearing at the computer screen when you discover the name you came up with, (that you were positive no one else was clever enough to invent..because seriously who comes even close to your awesomeness?) is taken.

It can leave you feeling really, really defeated because, well, it seems that every name you’ve chosen, your Top Ten and all their derivatives, are no longer available. And you feel ‘not so smart and witty’ after all.

Now don’t go beating yourself up over this (save the beatings for the track) It takes time to choose your perfect name, but you’ll get there. Remember your parents had 9 months to name You. Give it time.

For myself, culling a list as long as a piece of string took days, weeks even. But in the end it really came down to three possible names. Now needless to say Dark ‘n’ Stormy won out, but I will always have a special place in my heart for Slutty Mcfuckface and Magical Tiger Punch.

(Aah…Magical Tiger Punch…almost sounds like a cocktail..a magical cocktail. Hmm…I could go for a cocktail right now. So what if it’s 10 in the morning? My alcoholism isn’t a slave to the clock!)

OK off track…(derby track?) So what was I saying?

Oh right. Names. Derby names.

Needless to say, your derby name may take time to be chosen (oh and what a glorious occasion it can be when it is – Note: another opportunity for an after party). But in reality it can be found anywhere and everywhere. If you know where to look.

Now, the most obvious place to begin is to come up with a play on words of your real name. (like Stone Cold ‘Rose,’ if your name is Rose…which mine is not and yours probably isn’t either).

Sure, this can work a treat. But it is likely your name may already be taken, or maybe you don’t want your ‘real’ name to be anything like your ‘derby name.’  So having a Plan B…a little ‘something up your sleeve’…is desirable.

Plus you want options. Because options are….well…great.

So let’s get our thinking hats on…aka known as helmets.

LET’S BEGIN:

So what is it that you like, what inspires you, gets you ‘going?’  Pop culture, a favourite band, book, colour (Ebony Black) or even a tattoo you have? What resonates with you?

Grab a pen, highlighter or puff paint marker and write down as many names, things, places as you can think of. Whatever comes to mind when you think of your own name, or derby in general.

Give yourself a set time limit and don’t stop writing until that time is up. Even if what you write does no make sense or you think it’s stupid.

This is, after all,  brainstorming and it needn’t be perfect. Much like the first time you strap on skates. Frankly it isn’t pretty, but it is ultimately rewarding.

(Quick tip: One thing people do is they write down things they LIKE…but what about things you HATE or are against. You may not use that name…but it might trigger something else in you…)

For instance, maybe you’re against animal cruelty, but you end up with Kitten Kicker. Doesn’t have to be who YOU are, you’re creating a character here. They can be as nasty or as nice as you want.

Try nicknames or even child hood names. I know, kids can be cruel, but what about claiming that shit back. Beat the bullies. (Beat the Bully?)  Seriously kids are the best when it comes to naming things. (Except when they call your dog Lunchbox or Gravy). Think about all the names you made up for your peers based on their names or a character trait when you were in school.

You thought you were pretty clever, huh?

Children are highly creative, it is more than likely they will think of a name you would never have. For example, my son called himself Law ‘n’ Slaughter...(after seeing an ad for Law and Order), so why not just go and ask one? (Preferably one you know, since walking up to random kids and asking them to give you a derby name, especially when you mention you like names like Whoretopsy or $lot ma sheen,  is well kind of creepy and wrong…really really wrong.)

What about your profession? Day Job?

Maybe you’re a nurse. How about Let the Blood Run Free’s – Matron Conniving Bitch…simple.

Don’t forget Movie titles.  Whip It…could be Whip It Real Good…(also a lyric).

Pop Culture and TV/ Movie Tropes are a mine field of possible Derby Names, such as Death by Snu Snu,  or The Butterfly (‘cause no one ever suspects The Butterfly!)

And since choosing a name also goes hand in hand with choosing your number you should try starting with that. Maybe you have a favourite number, one that means something. Maybe you’re a James Bond fan…Janes Blonde 007? Or 3…3’s A Crowd?

Still can’t think of anything…

Maybe you need to find your name in the most obscure of places, like your favourite afternoon snack – Jam Sandwich.

Or even listen out for small bits of overheard dialogue:

From an argument between a brother and sister about whether the boy could rap or not, as overheard through a car window while sitting in the parking lot of a bank:

“What am I supposed to rap about? Riding from bank to bank with my mom?”

Can’t see how that could create a name? Seems irrelevant? What if you replaced bank with banked track?  You might then come up with something like Banked Track Robber...or something much, much better.

Use your ingenuity.

(If you can’t be a genius be ingenious…ok sorry…that was lame.)

Or maybe your Derby Persona is your alter ego…think about this. Maybe, in your everyday life, you are quiet and shy….but on the track you are a fucking rebel, hard ass….you’re a real Bad Seed. Your alter ego is just waiting to knock bitches over on the track…(and sometimes in the supermarket – how about Checked Out Chick?)

Sometimes you just look outside the circle or box or dodecahedron…whatever. It doesn’t necessarily always need to be ‘clever,’ although clever is fun for the whole family!

Don’t forget you could put two, seemingly unrelated, words together. (Like skates and tutus).

You know, maybe you like playing with fire, but you also like to eat Lamingtons just as much. Marry these together and you get ‘Flamington.’ (Actually, now that I come to think of it, that sounds more like the love child of a Lamington and a Flamingo).

Ok so yeah, that last one was pretty bad, but you work it out , it’s your damn name!

All in all…have fun with your name…after all this is Fucking Roller Derby baby!

***

This is part 1 of the Theatre of Creativity series. The first two will revolve around Roller Derby. The third is about Theatre of Creativity in the context of Alternative Creativity.

You can view Part 1 HERE.

***

BE DEFIANT AND ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

***

Saturday afternoon, and only partially recovered from the debauchery that was SOUNDWAVES 2013 I sit, amongst new friends and old, sipping cidars and throwing back Skittles shots at The Espy in St Kilda, Melbourne.

The sun is out and the shit talk flows amongst some very inappropriate conversations highlighted with images thanks to the wonders of Iphones and the mobile internet.

Now my brother has a habit of picking up strays and no I am not referring to any of his hookups. On this balmy Melbourne day it happened to be a lonesome American guy (let’s call him Stan, mostly because I cannot remember his real name) who was now getting a crash course on Aussie humour and Alf Stewart’s extra curricular activities.

It isn’t long before Stan, whose idea of heavy music is Metallica (who I fucking love by the way) and Pantera (RIP Dimebag), wants to hear about yesterdays antics, and so we each in turn (and by in turn I mean over one another at progressively louder volumes) embellish upon him the highlights of the day.

Being a 90’s girl at heart, I gushed (gushed? Are you fucking kidding me, did I just use that term?) about how great Kyuss Lives was and of course Mike Patton, who is even more endearing when he is antagonising the crowd. And whilst discussing such manic stage antics my brother and I, in all hand gestural detail, recall the last band we had seen that night.

THE CHARIOT.

Hectic music delivered with aggression and the fight of the dog. Stage antics that spill out literally into the crowd. Stand in awe as the ground vibrates or throw yourself against another in the bullpit.

It was impressive to watch.

***

And then Stan says – I just don’t understand Death Metal.

Now I am the first to admit that I am no Death Metal expert (is there such a thing?) nor is it my favourite gernre (refer to above 90‘s Grunge addict…Nirvana Forever!)

And so I try to explain how I see Death Metal as being somewhat ‘like a brain.’ How it is complex. It has layers of death and is laced with emotion. It can be experienced on so many levels. Hear it raw and loud. Witness it on stage. Stab an axe into your head (kidding!)Or sit in silence and read the stories that emerge through the lyrics. It is many different elements all working together.

It is NOT all virgin slaying and goat blood drinking…well…not always.

***

Stan – But I don’t understand why it needs to be so angry..so aggressive, so hard to understand?

Well you see Stan, I say leaning across the table, Death metal is emotion expressed in a chosen way.

After the amount I had already drunk I was rather impressed with my somewhat articulate response.

Like Grunge was the representation of the angst and the restlessness of a disenfranchised generation, through dirty riffs and primal screams. Death metal, like any other form of creative expression is simply -

“TAKING WHAT IS WITHIN YOU AND EXPRESSING IT IN ANY WAY YOU CHOOSE.”

It is how these guys (and girls) like to express themselves. It’s how they choose to tell their stories. Not all stories are rainbows and sunshine and not all stories can be told around a campfire. It’s personal expression. And sometimes it is angry and raw.

And sometimes it isn’t.

***

If it is about telling a story, he says, then why not change it, or take it down a notch, so more people understand and listen? So more people will know what it is about?

Me – Because that is not it’s purpose. It was never intended to be listened to by everyone. Same goes for art. Some people like abstract and some like realism. It is expression in a chosen form. It is for those who want to hear the story told in such a way.

So why change it…so that more people understand..so that it is more accessible?? When this isn’t the motive behind the music?

Why change it…when it is their choice to express it this way? Why change it just fit in with everyone else…when it is NOT like everything else?

Why start drinking beer when you are perfectly happy with spirits?

IT IS TRUE AND INDIVIDUAL PERSONAL EXPRESSION TO CHOOSE WHAT STORY TO TELL AND HOW IT IS TOLD.

And then he says – But what if you just changed it enough so that more people will hear the message?

To me changing the art or music you create to try and please everybody goes against everything that true and pure self expression is. It sure as hell goes against everything that The Dying Sun Academy stands for. It is NOT what Alternative Creativity is about.

Regardless of whether or not you have a message to send.

I strongly believe you SHOULD NEVER have to change just so someone will…understand you, like you, accept you or approve of you. (Something that has taken me a very long time to work out).

The same goes for your work, whether it is music or film or whatever. You do it the way you want. The way that makes you happy, makes you feel fulfilled.

I mean shit, if getting around in Glow in the dark, sugar skull onesies makes you fucking happy then DO IT!

So I say to him that they aren’t necessarily creating this music to send a message. And even if they are then it is not necessarily for ‘the masses.’ They are doing what they want, creating something in a voice that mimics their own inner language. Again, it is expression and why should they change who they are and how they express themselves to please others?

Not to say that self expression and sending a message are exclusive. Give a nice hearty FUCK OFF and you’ve got yourself some meaty self expression/ message goodness…

Maybe your MESSAGE is in the EXPRESSION of the STORY.

The thing is if you have a message to tell..then tell it. But understand that not everyone will like or understand or accept your message regardless of how you express it. Not everyone will like what you do…shit…there might very well be some people who are highly offended by what you create (hint: this is a good thing…means you are taking risks…doing things differently.).

And then simply there are those who refuse to understand…or even try to. Someone posted on Facebook the other day ‘I don’t listen or try to understand I’d rather jump to conclusions…or something along those lines. This unfortunately is typical of a large percentage of the population.

You see, Creativity is kind of like religion, in the way that you become drawn to those things that resonate with you. Some will agree and some will oppose. And some just become fanatical about the whole fucking affair.

You will never be able to please everyone, so then who do you choose to please?

For me, I choose to please myself first (well someone’s got to!) doing the work that I really want to do and knowing that there will be those that love what I do and those people who don’t.

And I no longer fucking care about those who don’t like me or my work. Well, most days anyway.

By simply doing things your own way, you are (whether intentional or not) sending the message that you will stay true to yourself, your voice and your vision.

***

At THE DYING SUN ACADEMY we want you to discover who you are as an artist by looking deep within and discovering your creative voice and your own individual way of expression. We want you to express who you truly are, your hidden self, and not because you want recognition, or because you need to feel validated. You do it because you love it, because you have that burning desire within. You don’t HAVE to, you NEED to.

TELLING YOUR STORY – without care about who will listen, in anyway YOU choose will:

1. Allows pure creative freedom and expression because you create from an authentic place.

2. Draw your people, your tribe (your fans even) to you.

3. Will help you to find your ‘voice’ and discover who you are as an artist.

So ask yourself…what is your motive? Expressing yourself or sending out a message? They don’t have to be exclusive…but what gives you more joy. Who do you want to hear your message…what is it you want to express?

If you want to express yourself, do so uncensored, uninhibited. With freedom.

And if you have a message tell it in a way that matters.

Don’t change who you are to suit others..don’t censor yourself because you don’t want to fucking offend. Don’t inhibit yourself because of fear. Do things your own way.

Always.

***

What is your Chosen Path of Expression – How do you tell a story?

***

BE DEFIANT AND ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

Cue really bad Porn music…wakka chikka wakka chikka – 70’s moustaches and plenty of bush (…ew…maybe not.)

Instead.

“Five women….a balmy night…overflowing glasses and a selection of toys…

This could only mean one thing (well maybe two if you include an orgy..which this is not).

It’s a Saturday Night Sex Party… bitches!”

Well, actually, sex TOY party…or Dildo Country…as it may be called from now on.

Actually no it won’t.

But whatever you want to call it, I have now popped the cherry on my very first Sex Toy Party…

So I figured, because it’s Valentine’s Day and unless you’re single, like me (or even if you are single) you should be shagging like Tasmanian Devils. Not rabbits because they just don’t last long enough…(haha Energiser should’ve thought about your mascot a little better)…rabbits do it quick and then pop out a shitload of kids…not fun.

So since it IS Valentine’s day and it’s all about love and getting a bit nasty, I thought I’d share with you some stuff that was on my (somewhat dirty) mind.

***

So…

The night was young and bulging with innuendo. We were already on all fours…asses in the air…cream covered faces and the smell of strawberry lube and victory filled the air…

Victory because I had just won a pair of red heart nipples tassles, and my very first Cock Ring…

(Apparently my penis sculpting abilities are quite impressive.)

I was thinking it could have ended up a great night…if I had been able to find any volunteers of the male variety.

Any takers? Anyone…?

*tumbleweed*

Hmph. Alas it was not to be.

Anyway.

After having a ‘few too many’…

Drinks people sheesh, get your mind out of the gutter…Just kidding. Stay here..I like the company

…I was exposed to a few things I had never seen before. Now I like to think of myself as open minded and liberated…and I’ve been around the trenches so I have seen a few things in my time….but I do have to draw the line at 3 way Vibrators (I’m going to let your own imagination take you on a little journey here…in which sense of the word does she mean by 3 way? hmm).

Anyway, as we talked and joked and sipped cidars and wine…this whole Sex, desire and taboo thing got me thinking.

Ooh it got me thinking alright….and fantasising…but mostly thinking….

Thinking about ‘what wasn’t shared,’ and I’m not talking bodily fluids here.

I’m talking about our own Dirty Little Secrets….

Not necessarily the pantie sniffing types. But each to their own.

But THOSE stories. Those things we keep hidden. Those things we never let anyone know about, other than maybe our lovers…or maybe you’ve let things ‘slip’ during those overly intoxicated moments. (and by slip I’m not talking about fingers or other anatomical parts – or maybe I am?)

So what are they?

No…not the ‘anatomical parts’…come on guys focus…

What ARE your ‘Dirty (preferably sexy or intriguing or even embarrassing and not necrophilia morbid) Little Secrets?

What are your deepest desires? What gets you off at night – or early in the morning? Your Afternoon Delight?

What would you love to do if you had the ability to ‘take it back’ if it didn’t turn out how you wanted?

What deep dark fantasy would you secretly love to live out? A Stanley Kubrickesque masquerade?

Do you dare explore these desires? Throw your car keys in the bowl? Take off the covers and reveal what’s underneath?

Creatively?

Explore these things through Story and Art?

Expose yourself?

(I’m not talking about flashing in public..so please put your clothes back on! Except for the guy I saw at the beach this morning…whose pants I thought I’d be able to telepathically remove…I unfortunately could not. But you sir, you can get naked anytime).

“How far are you willing to go for your art? How hard are you willing to push?”

***

OUR HIDDEN SELVES

I believe that we all have SOMETHING, even just ONE THING, that we keep hidden, sometimes from ourselves, but something that we don’t tell ANYONE…not even those closest to us. It may be small (not talking penis size here), it may be simple (unlike a woman’s body)  it may not even be a secret…just something forgotten. But it is the one thing we swear to ourselves that no one ever will find out about.

And I believe it is these things that we like to get a hold of…that we like to grasp with two hands and sink our teeth into…or maybe wrap our lips around. Explore. It is what takes our stories, our art, that bit deeper….

It is what makes us so drawn to the sordid tale.

Because when we share experiences that are real or feel real to us, they, in turn, feel real to those you share them with. If you choose to do so.

“…there is something special when people speak from real images in their head.” Lynda Barry

The best fiction, the best stories, always have some ring of truth to them…even if the events never happened…either it’s something you’ve experienced or thought long and hard about.  They can be called upon like memories. When we feel free enough to explore the things that make us uneasy or turn is on…or we don’t want others to know about…it can be liberating and even exhilarating.

It’s in exploring these desires that we can become open to having certain experiences. (I don’t mean you need to go around and slut it up..unless of course that’s your thing. Oh now I feel like I need to hand you some Durex and maybe some tissues)…

It inspires you to venture into unknown territory. This raw and primal creativity, learning about being an artist and discovering who you are as an artist, is based on this inspiration…and the experiences it allows you.

Desire and exploring what gives you goosebumps, what makes you giggle a little inside or even gasp out loud…these are the things that make you feel truly ALIVE.

This is what creativity is meant to be.

To let you have an experience…to remind you that you are alive and how good that can feel. Finding your inspiration. Finding your passion. Your creative drive (and libido while you’re at it).

CREATIVITY IS PROVOCATIVE.

Unapologetic. Raw. Controversial. Private.

It is our way of exploring and releasing into the world everything that builds up within us….

Exploring the Forbidden is a bit like the vinegar stroke…it comes just before the release…

“I love giving into temptation. But sometimes the Temptation is much more arousing.”

We love to Explore the Forbidden, here at THE DYING SUN ACADEMY. We like to get to the very core of what our desires and secrets are. We like to get down and dirty so to speak. Intimate with ourselves. (You can take that any way you like).

Why? Because we are filthy little perverted devils…haha…no….well yes but that’s not why.

It’s because we want you to be able to find a safe place where you can explore EVERY SINGLE FUCKING part of who YOU are… unashamed…uninhibited…uncensored.

Remember: No one ever need know of these desires…through story, metaphor, the image you can explore anything you like…and therein lies the beauty of being an Artist.

So get yourself a book, a diary, a visual journal or even a napkin (preferably not used) and start writing down all your innermost desires…no matter how dirty and messed up they may be. Write down all good and bad experiences you’ve had.

Every fantasy, every secret, even a love letter to someone who may never see it.

You may find that you begin to create new desires and fantasies to play out in your mind.

Collect them all…then burn them cause no one needs to see that shit.

Joking…I’m joking.

Keep them to use in your own Studio Practise. Keep them to use to infuse into your own work. Or just to read over and laugh…or cry…or screw your face up in pain or disgust.

Discover Alternative Creativity

Sign up and we will show you how you can use these experiences in your own work without fully revealing everything and remaining somewhat virtuous...at least to those who don’t know YOU!

And if you feel the need to send through some of your raunchy stories (anonymously if you wish), then do so and we’ll see if we can compile a bunch of messed up and ‘sexy time’ stories…

***

Okay, so there are some things you just don’t need to know…and most likely the following story is one of them…

But fuck it. I’m going to tell you anyway. (Why? Because well…fuck you.)

I’m sorry…I didn’t actually mean that!

(Well not unless you’re my knight in shining armour, minus the armour, but riding a white horse because I fucking LOVE horses…and hot naked to semi naked men…but not in a ‘I’ll sleep with anyone’ kind of way).

No, I’m sharing this with you because:

1. I am prone to self deprecating humor and making a complete tool of myself.

It is just my way.

AND

2. I couldn’t ‘finish this off’ without a little story of my own right?

So shall I begin?

….

The buildup was massive…and I don’t just mean the casual fondling in the loungeroom while watching Xmen.

It had been months since I’d seen my then boyfriend…let’s call him Mr Softy (no not Mr Dreamy or Mr Big because seriously who watches that shit?) but Mr Softy.

Because, it’s true in some ways he was a big soft teddy Bear type guy…and also because…well,  we’ll leave it there shall we?

It had been too long…(long distant is a right shit!! There really is only so much phone sex you can have. Does anyone else get visions of using the phone in place of…no? OK me neither. Carry on….)

Anyway….it had been too long since I had seen him last and it should’ve been a night of romance and toe curling, lip biting, ‘scream so your neighbours think you’re being murdered and start random fires’ sex.

Or at the very least a lot of fumbling.

So we’d been fooling around for awhile and it’s fair to say I was ready for a thrashing. Some throw me over the kitchen bench type physical activity…

The problem was…well…to be blunt, related to the name I have bestowed upon my now ex boyfriend…

And apparently the Kegelmaster 2000 having worked a little too well.

But then like a fucking miracle…like Jesus being resurrected or the second coming (hmm…maybe not) or whatever the fuck you would say here…

It was in!

Halle – fucking – lujah!

And just as I’m thinking this is a bit of alright…it’s really pretty rad…I’m actually fucking digging this…it happened.

I swear to God it was only about 3 thrusts into the whole ordeal. All those months of waiting, all those times I’d dreamt about this moment, it had come down to this….

It was like fireworks. White lights flashed by my face and the angels had begun to sing (or was that just the radio?)

It was… majestic, wonderful, earth shattering?

Nope!

It was then that it hit me…literally..right in the eye.

I groaned loudly, clutching at my face.

And He was like, ‘Oh yea baby’.

And I was like, ‘Not – yea baby – you just shot me in the fucking eye!’

But he was still all…having a party I was clearly not invited to.

And I was in pain saying…‘Did you hear me…I am, thanks to you, now fucking blind in one eye!’

And thinking what if I had to wear a patch from then on. My eye felt like it was on fire. I mean what the fuck is in that shit? protein my ass..it’s seriously toxic. Don’t believe me…rub some in your eye.

Then he’s all ‘Oh god…’

And I lay back, thinking -  ‘Yea…here comes my fucking apology…you prick. Pull out too soon,  cut me off and shoot me in the eye. I mean, what the hell? It better be a good one, a drop down on yours knees and fucking beg for forgiveness apology…oh and while you’re down there…’

And then he says,

‘There’s blood.’

OK…let’s just stop things here. No it wasn’t that time of the month…the next few moments were a blur…actually they were really fucking vivid but for the sake of well…just for the fucking sake of it ok?…we’ll say things were a blur just so I can mosey on over the details and right to the point….

After leaving me there…in a pool of blood…and after what felt like ages….he comes back with a giant wad of toilet paper wrapped around the head of his cock.

(I have to say this did in fact, in the light of the open window, look like fairy floss wrapped around a rather thick stick.)

He looks at me in my one good eye and says -

‘I think I’ve split my dick!’

The End.

Well, actually it didn’t end there but for the sake of this story and the fact I am kind of blushing right now and need a few shots of tequila, we will end it right there.

Story of my Life.

***

I do, however, take comfort in the fact that I am not one of these two people.

***

BE DEFIANT AND ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

You see for longer than time she had illuminated the day, always wondering about the moon and wishing upon stars she’d never know. But every morning she would wake to yawn her existence across the sky and watch the darkness fight against her light, as she dreamt of love and death and carousels…

Then one day – in the silence just before the dawn, when sadness had become her only friend – Time came and asked her about her sorrow, to which she replied:

‘I see the seasons come and go but beyond that there is nothing, and now all that is left is the longest night.”

Then Time said, ‘Let me show you that there is more.’

And as Time stopped they came and danced and played not before her, but instead, inside of her.

Now she watched as the past came out to play and saw things that had not yet come to be.

But these Images so vivid, were not all her own. So where had they come from? And where would they go?

Where did the Image world exist – if it was not in the here and now?

And as she rose she thought, How can I tell the shadows what I have seen?

What stories were created that could now be told?

What will come when the day makes way for night?

And it was then that she remembered what had been forgotten….

***

What if, in the end, our Imagination is all we have?

***

BE DEFIANT AND ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

How do YOU see the world around you?

Sometimes it becomes easy to close ourselves off from the outside world, when we are living the 9-5 and caught up in the daily grind, we fail to notice our lives passing us by. We forget to really stop to notice what is really going on around us, what the world is made up of, what is right in front of us.

Except the Assholes, EVERYBODY notices the Assholes!

And then when the world goes dull and grey, we ourselves do as well. All inspiration fr leaves us and we no longer know what it is we really feel strongly passionately about (except coffee infused alcohol). We no longer know what we want to express. What we want to experience. We no longer feel creative because we no longer know what it is we want to say, other than fuck you to the guy who just cut you off in traffic, on your way to a job you hate.

Nothing feels..well…fun anymore. Other than maybe binge drinking.

(Shut up liver I wasn’t talking to you!)

And yet if we wake each morning knowing that it is a New Day (well d’uh), wondering at what adventures might be in store for us, we may discover a ‘New Reality.’ Hopefully one that involves Unicorns, because let’s face it, Unicorns are totally badass!

Now if we wake as we once did as children, excited to re-animate the games from the day before or start anew, we may begin to see the world with possibility – endless and limitless.

When we allow ourselves to dream, to be who we want to be, our lives are enriched for the better…

Sounds pretty good right?

“Learning all over again to see, to be attentive, to focus consciousness: it is turning every idea and every image, in the manner of Proust, into a privileged moment.”

- The Absurd hero.

Learning to observe the world in new ways – seeing and believing that ‘Anything is Possible’ – can change our EXPERIENCE of the world. Once again we may see the world with awe and wonder. The same way you might if you take mind altering drugs…minus the brain bleed.

And yet learning to really SEE is much different to just LOOKING.

“What you talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?”

Well, you see, (haha did you ‘see’ what I did there…oh and again!) it’s how you use your eyes that makes the difference.

SEEING is like penetrating the Image – touching, tasting, inhaling. LOOKING is like the marijuana haze you get when you’ve had too many bongs [without the philosophical stoner insightfulness].

To really SEE you need to slow down and examine the details. Stand back and really take notice of the bigger picture. Don’t just let your eyes drift over what is in front of them (that’s what ‘Looking’ is). Use them to explore and examine. Let your eyes become your hands.

Remember that creature in Pan’s Labyrinth with they eyes in his hands?

Well like that…but different.

***

Now what we don’t SEE can become as important as what we do SEE.

(If only I had this advice when I was a teenager sneaking home from a party and trying to navigate in the dark).

This is what shapes our memories, our stories, our experiences. Our perceptions. The way we see things in hindsight or the way we judge a situation. Sometimes our mind misses the images, is selective, chooses what it wants to remember, what it wants to see.

Must be why my early 20’s are somewhat of a blur…

What it is we miss or lose amplifies what we SEE and EXPERIENCE. It shapes us. It directs us to the things that have meaning for us, that we are drawn too, that we are inspired and awed by or even what disgusts and repels us, whatever may illicit an emotional response. These are the things we call on when we need inspiration, to FEEL something…not our ex boyfriends at 2am in the morning!

***

“Seeing is itself touched with elegy. Reality seems to press its light into us, it is happening, but that’s not the way things are. The eye can process only so many images per second, taking in sights the way a camera takes a series of stills. The reality we see is the sketchpad comics we made as kids, me and my brothers and sister. Draw a stickman taking a step on one page, and on the next draw that same figure, only his foot is slightly further ahead, and again on the next page, draw this figure, but with his foot on the ground. Flip through them quickly, and he appears to walk. That’s the mechanics of the eye, too. We think we are seeing life as it happens, but pictures are missing. Moments disappear between the stills and make up our unwitnessed lives. To see is to miss things. Loss is always with us.”

― Ryan Knighton, Cockeyed: A Memoir of Blindness

***

So tell me,

Do you ever sit in a public space and watch the people around you and wonder at their lives? The way that we do with celebrities? Create stories for people sharing the train ride with you? Try and pick out the serial killers? Or the repressed and lonely housewife who has a suitcase full of bondage gear just aching to be used? Or even the bogan who is on his way home to masturbate into a plastic cup, over pre teens in Target catalogues?

Oops…sorry…too far? I have a habit of doing that.

But seriously, tell me that you’re NOT going to wander about the people around you now!

Do you ever watch a conversation between two people and imagine what they are talking about? Make up conversations that are filled with inappropriate banter that is, of course, highly amusing, because you are witty like that?

Or do you stop to take the time to notice what is REALLY happening around you? See the way things interact with one another, the small details. Like the way the Mona Lisa has no eyebrows?

No? Well start. Start right fucking now!

Why? Because I said so.

No really though.

Observing the world around you is one of the FIRST STEPS to opening the doors to your MIND and discovering the ‘Language of YOUR Imagination.’ Exposing your inner vision (no matter how dirty), your Inner Voice (swearing and all), and finding what it is you are truly PASSIONATE about. (yep even that stuffed toy collection).

The thing is when you start ‘noticing’ what it is you ‘notice,’ you will begin to understand what it is you have inside of you, how to speak and understand the language of your Imagination. Find this and you will never be lost for inspiration, ideas or revenge tactics. There will be no such thing as a CREATIVE BLOCK.

Now go and observe your surroundings. The way light and shade play off each other. The way skin looks when backlit, or how the moon lights a dark street when it is full.  The way boardies cling to a mans body when he comes out of the water…hanging just below the V taper and…oh sorry…got a little distracted.

Now where was I?

Oh right.

When you take the small moment to SEE the world around you, you will start to see the beauty (and maybe even the ugliness) in things. This creates another dimension for you to play with. (currently thinking of some witty remark about Dr Who to place here).

Something for you to explore and infuse into your own Studio Practise, your own work.

So, look at the Art you like, the films you enjoy and read what you like to read (please do try and extend your reading scope outside of Zoo weekly for you guys..and Fifty Shades of Grey for your ladies).

No seriously Horndogs! Expand your mind!

Find the things that interest you and use these to help inspire works of your own.

As others do, so should you…when it means doing what YOU want!

***

Start a journal and collect the memories you have, the images, thoughts. What you saw or heard that day. Begin to capture your life. Like a series of polaroids.

When you do begin to notice your world, you may find that you start to seek out new adventures…new and crazy experiences…to fill your journal with things that you LOVE, the things that ‘get you going!’ The things that inspire you.

Do it…even just for the hell of it., but even moreso because it is fucking good for you…just like being slapped with a Lamb Chop.

After all you have one life…make sure you DON”T MISS IT!

“Learn to see…through vision, touch and smell and memory,  the Image world inside and out…”

 ***

BE DEFIANT AND ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

…

BE DEFIANT AND ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

…

Some of us FIGHT this. Some of us just want to FIT IN. But what are you fitting in to? What are you HIDING YOURSELF away from?

Some of us will NEVER conform. Some of us will FIGHT for our right to be exactly who we are to the day we DIE.

Some of us will take our SUFFERING and use it. Some of us will live in FEAR of the judgement of others.

…

So ask yourself this….would YOU rather be yourself, would you rather be that person who chased their DREAMS, who FOUGHT BACK, who NEVER STOPPED because you had to do it YOUR WAY?

Or would you rather be a fraud, a liar? Someone who just EXISTS but doesn’t LIVE? Would you rather fit into the 9-5 with your clean cut hair and your over starched shirt?

[You know this is ok. For some people. If that is who you are then by all means go and be that.]

Just not here. This is NOT for EVERYONE

…

There are many of us standing on the OUTSIDE. Though often it feels as though we are the ONLY ONE.

And yet you are NOT ALONE.

We are the OUTSIDERS. We will never fit in. We don’t FUCKING want to. We will live our lives THE WAY WE WANT because we know NO OTHER WAY….

…

It really is your choice. Can you be EVERYTHING you really are in the face of ADVERSITY.

Are you willing to STAND UP and fight? Voice YOUR opinion? Express your IDEAS? Be vulnerable? Be your TRUE SELF without apology?

RISK IT ALL?

Or will you lay down and die?

IT’S YOUR MOVE!

…

BE DEFIANT AND ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE